Changes are Coming
In early 1969 our Talladega and Spoiler II cars were the fastest thing on the track. Soon Dodge showed up with the Charger Daytona with its beak and gigantic wing. Not wanting to stop there and to get Richard Petty out of his Petty Blue Talladega, MOPAR even added a Superbird to its lineup in 1970. The speeds were rising and the factories were building some very wild cars for the street just to be able to race their thoroughbreds on the track. This was the win on Sunday sell on Monday school of auto sales. Unfortunately, the powers within NASCAR believed they were loosing control of the sport and the cars were going too fast. In addition, NASCAR did not like the idea of the fans getting too worked up over the makes of cars. They were afraid if fans got too attached to a particular brand then if that manufacture pulled out of racing they might loose part of their fan base.
Today, we racing fans are experiencing a similar challenge. This time it is not from NASCAR, it is from are very own Government! Today, sighting a need to redistribute winnings among less successful drivers and owners as well as wanting to eliminate the heavy fuel consuming cars that currently race in NASCAR and replace them with newer more efficient electric vehicles, President Obama announced the take over of NASCAR by his newly created Department of Equal Racing Rights Opportunity Renewed (ERROR). This new agency is to be headed by new Presidential appointee Czar Brian France. ERROR will be based on an all new car recently developed by Government owned General Motors.
Pictured here are the new “Stock” versions of the Electric Networked-Vehicle (EN-V) street car that will be the basis for the new ERROR Car. It was developed by GM loosely based on some technology from the Segway. Unveiled today in Shanghai (future ERROR Tracks are already underdevelopment there and else where in China), the two-seater EN-V is an unusual two wheel design being somewhat reminiscent of the old four wheeled BMW Isetta. The street EN-V was engineered to alleviate concerns surrounding traffic congestion, parking availability, air quality and affordability for today’s cities.
The ERROR track versions will be powered by GM factory sealed electric motors, ERROR provided battery packs, with tires provided by the union owned Good Year Tire and Rubber Company. This speck equipment will ensure parity among drivers and owners. A new Government developed stabilization technology originally intended for military applications will allow these speedy little ERROR cars to turn on a dime, and run up to the Federally mandated maximum speed limit for all new cars of 50mph. An unidentified spokesman for ERROR states that although these new lower racing speeds may at first seem to threaten the elimination of much of the thrill and excitement of motor racing the open cockpit and highly visible driver and elimination of two whells will more than offset any “perceived” loss of speed.
Possibly one of the biggest departures from today’s NASCAR will be the use of integrated GPS. Although of little use on the oval tracks, Czar France went on to state that the new ERROR GPS will be invaluable to the rooky drivers at the new Urban Street Road Course Tracks in Paris and Beirut.
The Li-ion batteries can be juiced from a conventional wall outlet at any race track pit stall! This means that most of the ERROR race cars will need to be recharged at the same time and those pit stops will be somewhat longer in duration. A single battery charge is estimated to last approximately 40 laps at a 1.5 mile oval and slightly less on road courses. A complete re-charge of the batteries can be accomplished in a little over 15 minutes with an ERROR certified battery charger. This seeming negative aspect of the battery powered vehicles will in fact be a plus for spectators. No longer will a trip to the concession stand or restroom mean missing any of the on-track excitement. Such pit stops will also provide a break for drivers and an end to the long asked question of. “What do you do when you are in a race car and need to use the bathroom?” However, it is rumored that the famous Wood Brothers Racing Team has already developed a quick change battery pack making recharging un-necessary. A complete battery change in 5 minutes is reported by this expert crew. There has been no word on whether ERROR will certify the use of more than one battery pack at any race.
In an effort to attract younger spectators to the new ERROR sport there will be a mandated, and ERROR built wireless pad built into the driver’s seat that will enable ERROR drivers to communicate with their Pit Crews AND other drivers as well as fans. Through the wonders of the internet, TV viewers at home will even be able to listen in on their favorite drivers with the use of their own “ERROR-Pad” at home. These devices will be available for home use exclusively through the newly Government acquired, “electronic giant to big to fail,” Best Buy.
In what may be one of the most remarkable turnabouts in auto racing history, if not American history, is the announcement today that ERROR’s first Presenting Sponsor for the new ERROR racing series will be Junior Johnson’s Moonshine Whiskey.